The Mad World of Japanese Boxart: Volume 3

Look, guys, I need to come clean with you. I have an addiction. No, not to alcohol (well, maybe to alcohol). Oh no, my addiction is far worse.

Yep, I am addicted to Japanese video game boxart. I can’t help it – half of it is amazing, and the other half is… I have no idea what it is, but it certainly is disturbing. Every once in a while, I have to share the crazy with you. Yes, you. No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not punishing you. Please come back here!

The rest of you should continue on for a few of the awesome treasures that I’ve dug up on my recent trips into the wilds of the Internet. Watch me make wild assumptions and crazed assertions based on nothing more than some art and a basic understanding of katakana.

Finally, with the burden of Final Fantasy XIII off of their backs, Square Enix can focus on bringing Wii gamers the mature, polished experience that they have been clamoring for.

Finally.

Oh. Well, fuck you too, Squeenix.

mon·o·chrome (mn-krm)
n.
1. A picture, especially a painting, done in different shades of a single color.
2. The state of being in a single color.
3. A black-and-white image, as in photography or on television.

Somebody appears to be slightly confused by what “monochrome” means.

For a sports game, Professional Baseball Spirits kind of has a rad cover. The painted black outline looks nice and the general mayhem is kind of working for me. I just hope that the Madden curse doesn’t hold for Japanese sports games, or they’ve just lost an entire team.

Though, given that these are “Professional Baseball Spirits,” they may already be dead. It’s not like they’re amateur Baseball Sprits.

Please don’t be a porn game. Please don’t be a porn game.

Random thought of the day – Death Smiles is a pretty bitching name for a metal band.

The art on this one is also pretty awesome. I’m just not sure that the art is a great representation of the actual product. From the title and the generally creepy vibe, I have to assume that this is some sort of horror-themed Harvest Moon spin-off. Come on – I can’t be too far off base there.

Sure, you may ask why that guy isn’t doing any farming? Maybe he broke his ax chopping down trees, and that one that he’s holding is a replacement that he picked up in town. Yeah, that makes sense. Of course that’s why he’s walking down a street.

Ok, I know this is actually the Japanese version of Deadly Premonitions, but come on – I’m getting kind of pumped up about this horror Harvest Moon thing!

Oh. Great. It’s a Christian porn game.

Well, if there can be an entire Amish romance subgenre, I suppose that this game can’t be that weird.

Right?

Look, I can take a certain amount of moe. Not my thing, but whatever.

This? This is creepy. She’s like this.. plastic doll. Look at those glazed-over eyes, that vacant expression.

She’s your perfect creepy virtual sex toy.

I’m at a loss for words. I don’t even know where to start with this one.

That’s a dude, dressed as a school girl, with massive painted-on eyebrows, and.. What is that? A lemur?

What the hell, Japan?

Ok, let’s end this journey with… the most generic box art that I could find.

Did they really just slap the number of players on that dog tag? Sheesh.