Let’s get one thing out of the way right off the bat. Onechanbara is not a particularly good game. In fact, in Japan, the entire series is known for being, well, kuso (literally shit). Yet, these bikini-wearing zombie slayers have somehow found their own cult following. Why is this? Despite its numerous flaws, Onechanbara has a certain b-movie kitsch to it. It’s so damn weird that you can’t help but be sucked in, and just fun enough that you can overlook its flaws.

Onechanbara has been carefully sculpted to appeal to one specific audience. Have you ever deliberately watched a movie so utterly horrible that it was awesome? From the endless hordes of zombies, to the buckets of blood, to the screams of scantily-clad women driven to murder – Onechanbara is the most literal translation of a b-movie to the videogame form that I have ever seen. It’s tasteless and poorly-written. The plot makes absolutely no sense. In fact, completely ignoring the story and turning off that analytical part of your brain is crucial to enjoying it. Why is a cowgirl chopping the walking dead apart with swords? Why the hell not?

Once you stop trying to pick the storyline to shreds, there is something oddly appealing about the presentation. I mean, what’s not to love about a bunch of hot girls fighting zombies? Why shouldn’t zombie cops be able to shoot you? There must be a bunch of cowgirls running around Japan! Even the menus remind me of those low-budget, deliberately awful horror movies. Onechanbara looks and sounds like it was developed on a budget roughly equal to what I pay for rent each month. Of course, that’s partially because it’s true, but it’s honestly kind of appealing in a weird way.

Did I mention the buckets of blood? Onechanbara will undoubtedly offend some with its unapologetic tastelessness. It is violent, crude, and vaguely pornographic. Now, I’m totally not complaining, but I’m pretty sure that the entire point of including a “kick” move was to allow for easy panty shots. So, if you’re easily offended (or have children), stay far away. Seriously. Buckets of blood. Blood actually spatters on the screen and slowly drips down the surface. Your character is slowly covered in zombie blood and must actually stop and clean their sword off. Yes, there is an entire gameplay mechanic dedicated to cleaning blood off of your weapon.

Speaking of gameplay mechanics, this game is textbook Dynasty Warriors, through and through. You run from point A to point B, stopping every few seconds to blast through the undead hordes. I do mean hordes. There are dozens of zombies per area, and they respawn if you have to backtrack. Every so often, the game breaks up the monotony by throwing in special enemies and bosses. Yes, like Koei’s brawler series, Onechanbara’s levels get boring quickly. Play a level or two each day and it’ll remain pretty fun. Sit there for huge chunks (like I did), and you’ll hate your life.

Walking in a straight line and hitting zombies probably doesn’t sound like the most exciting thing ever. Unlike Left 4 Dead, these are your classical, slow-moving undead. What makes the experience kind of fun is the surprisingly deep fighting mechanics. Every character has two basic styles. For example, Saki can switch between her standard sword attacks and a second “throwing style.” The first is what you’d expect. By shaking the Wiimote, you slice the zombies into little bits. If you shake the nunchuck, you can kick enemies out of your way. It’s a good way to get a little breathing room for a few seconds. The second style replaces the sword with fists. You can punch zombies, or run into them and throw them around the room. It’s a little harder to pull off, but a little more satisfying when you do. As you land attacks, your combo meter rises. By timing certain attacks and doing certain motions at the right time, you can unleash special combinations. A particularly tough enemy pounding on you? You can spend a little bit of your health for a special attack at any time.

Sounds awesome, right? Well, it sort of is when everything works. However, Onechanbara was apparently not designed by sober people and some of the implementation choices are utterly baffling. For instance, you have to vertically wave the Wiimote to use your sword. Horizontal swings don’t seem to work. To use a special attack, you have to hold down the “1” button while swinging. Sure, that’s kind of a nitpick, but it’s a little more awkward to actually perform than you might think. The camera is adjusted by pressing the “+” and “-“ buttons. Again, there’s a reason that most games use the d-pad to do this. It’s a common task, and it’s much easier to move your thumb up to adjust the camera’s position than down to these tiny buttons.

The graphics are another mixed bag. Most of the environments are flat and uninteresting. Large stretches of obviously repeating textures with the occasional jagged plant. Yet, surprisingly, the character models are some of the best on the Wii. Seriously, the characters are sharp, attractive, and decently animated. They move fluidly, and the special-effects are pretty cool looking. There is a motion-blurring every time a sword is swung, along with a red slash in the direction of movement. Those blood-stains on the screen are pretty awesome. It honestly kind of looks like someone splattered some red liquid on the inside of your television. Like I said, the graphics are a mixed bag, but everything actually ends up looking kind of rad.

Onechanbara is a rather baffling game. It isn’t actually good, but it isn’t all that bad either. Like Earth Defense Force, there is a certain audience that will totally get it. They will be able to overlook the mediocre half of the game and focus on the awesome. For those guys, there is a ton of game there for the $30 price — individual campaigns for each character, a “quest” mode, free play, and a few other modes. Really, if you’re the type of guy who owns a copy of Teenage Zombies, Onechanbara is probably worth checking out. This is the game to bring over to your buddy’s house along with a case of cold beer. The rest of you may want to stay away.

Positive: Awesome style, deep combat, pretty special-effects and character models.
Negative: Awkward controls, boring gameplay, flat environments, forgettable soundtrack.

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