No doubt that you’ve heard of Nintendo of Japan’s newest genre (and gender) bending Wii exclusive Captain Rainbow by now, and so far, all of the feedback I’ve heard on it have been pretty positive. Opinions seem to be confined to the comfortable little area between “this looks so ridiculously wacky” and “is there bleach for your eyeballs?” – which, for a Japanese Nintendo game seems to be a pretty appropriate response.

However, after reviewing some footage of the game, I’ve become increasingly aware that this game - as irreverent and awesome as it might be to we Internet gamers - will probably never see the light of day in the States. Not simply for the fact that a character named Captain Rainbow might offend the delicate sexual sensibilities of the average American broseph, but, also for the idea that the game might not bounce very well against the USA’s sexual attitudes themselves! The game seems to have the ubiquitous sports-thing Birdo as a central character, and unfortunately for us, most of the gags about Birdo seem to revolve around its transgenderism.

Americans have a hard enough time dealing with the issue of transgenderism, and Nintendo of America knows this. When Super Mario Brothers 2 was localized in the USA, it slipped out in the instruction booklet that Birdo was a man who thought he was a woman. Simple vaudevillian masquerading, sure, but in the era of Nintendo’s throat-grabbingly strict anti-inflammatory content control years, that was one mistake that would never happen for a long, long time. All references to Birdo’s transgenderism was whitewashed over, and even though it was a well-known fact in Japan, Americans seemed to become contented that Birdo was Yoshi’s hideous female equivalent. Nintendo wasn’t crazy for doing this, either. We got a lot of sexual taboos in the USA, and knowing that one of Mario’s soccer buddies has a dong duct-taped to his leg probably isn’t something American parents really wanted to deal with. To put this effort in perspective, it wasn’t until Super Mario Strikers (a chiefly European-aimed game) that Nintendo let slip again with the concept that Birdo wasn’t quite the poster child of sexual concrete that she was made out to be in the Americas.

So, we end up with a pretty sweet looking send up to Nintendo history — and wouldn’t you know it, it’s loaded with the very jokes Nintendo has gone far far out of its way to shield American dollarsaudiences from. Ah, what a shame.

Not to mention that there’s even one quest where, in Birdo’s effort to prove to you that he’s a girl, he implores you to go into his house and find his vibrator. Hm. Well, to be honest, I don’t know if there’s a way to localize around that one.

It’s out in Japan right now, and unfortunately, it looks to be pretty darn text centric. Here’s to hoping it at least comes out in Europe so people with region free chips can import and let the rest of us know how amazing their lives are after playing this game.

Some may think I’m stating the obvious. THis is true, but, I count it more as a lament. :(

Captain Rainbow Official Website (Japanese)