There’s no telling how late I’ve gotta be with this piece, but, give me a break! I’ve been busy planning this year’s April Fools joke. Here’s a little factoid for you guys: did you know that every member on the staff individually changed every image on the site BY HAND? It’s true. Some of the images were even printed out onto billboards, recreated with acrylics on canvas, and then re-digitized by use of an iSight webcam. What you guys saw was the product of nearly seven weeks of intensive work.

Regardless, I wanted to take some time out to gush a little bit about what is, in this reporter’s opinion, one of the most fascinating Wii exclusives to roll around yet: Endless Ocean. The game is practically in a class of its own. For the unaware, Endless Ocean is another Japanese-flavored non-game that Nintendo tunneled in from the Moon. It is, in its execution, the biggest petting tank currently known to human kind.

And you know what? The game relaxes me like so few other games have before. And not the usual, “I gotta blow off some steam, girls!” way – in the “oh god i’m on another plane of consciousness” way, more like.

The premise of the game is that you, the intrepid avatar for the person holding the Wiimote, arrive onto a sea vessel to apparently snatch up a job working with identifying species of fish in the Manaurai sea. Admittedly, the plot is as thin as Nick Rumas’ security in his sexuality. You’ve got a dream job – all you do is work on your tan and dive under water to look at fish. You exist in what appears to be a microcosm of aquatic life in general (as evidenced by the fact that penguins just hang out on your boat. “They normally live in South Africa, but, we’ve got some too!”), and as far as game mechanics go, there’s about as much to explore as your grocery store. The place changes depending on when you visit, but, believe me, it’s never going to be more than the place you buy Teddy Grahams.

As you explore more and more of the ocean, you’re awarded with – guess what: encyclopedic factoids about fish. Essentially everything in the game seems to add up to what would normally end up as the textbook formula for ‘how to make your game as interesting as listening to someone tell you about their recurring dreams’.

I’ve figured out pretty much everything there is to figure out about Endless Ocean. What I can’t seem to figure out quite yet is why exactly the game impresses me so much.

Something should be said about the level of immersion in such a simplistic concept: it’s one that nearly borders on listless, but, for some psychological reason, it keeps bringing you back in. When I’m swimming through the deep and watching fish curiously follow my lead, something interesting happens – I feel weightless. So often, I’ve become almost engrossed in the game that I’ve had to constantly remind myself exactly where I am in relation to my butt and my chair. Between clicking on a friendly dolphin and petting a tiger shark, there’s something cerebral and profound about the experience that – despite my best efforts – will always remain impossible to articulate.

On top of all of that, it’s so simple – and most importantly, it’s fun!

Video games have always had a certain level of escapism weaved into the fabric that makes it up, and Endless Ocean is really no different. You’re thrust into a world in which your only objective is, in the game’s words, “Just relax and dive.” Initially, I even had to struggle with the instincts I’ve developed as a gamer – I had to force myself to dismiss the understanding that every game should have an immediate, reachable goal. Similarly with Electroplankton, I searched for traditional function and found none – and began to become bored. Once I began to treat Endless Ocean as an actual diving trip, the entire game opened itself to me: the only objective in sight is to just take my time and pet some fish.

And to me, that realization was like a breath of fresh… water. The game designers had constructed a world that I had no pressure on completing. I’ll never feel guilty for picking it up and not finishing it until I’ve forgotten what the plot was and I’ll never inadvertently get into a race with one of my friends to get to 100%. Endless Ocean was a true zen garden, or a lava lamp that I could just plug into the wall when I had a bad day at work and put back in the closet when I’m done.

And believe me – people that plug lava lamps in all the time missed the point.

Give Endless Ocean a try.

Additionally, 4cr Greg and I played online for a little bit, and this was the conversation that followed:

Mitch: oh yeah
nice emo haircut
Greg: oh shit, I’m invading on jetski
yup, I’m Peter Patrelli
Mitch: dive dive dive
this is so gay and i love it
Greg:
Mitch: seriously this game is jawdropping
just amazing
Greg: come mitch, lead me to your underwater sex lair
Mitch: i just saw two fish kiss D:
Greg: I totally lost you, but I found guitarfish
Greg: this is like brokeback mountain
UNDER ?THE SEA
Mitch: let’s go far, far away ,’)
international waters, where our love is legal
Greg: I wish I knew how to quit you mitch