If you’re checking up on the Smash Bros. DOJO!! website (and I know that, despite your desire to “be surprised,” you still can’t pull yourself away), you should probably already know that Lucas, one of the protagonists from Mother 3, has replaced Ness in the Smash Brothers lineup. Sure, it’s absolutely wonderful news for Earthbound fans - but where are the sounds of popping corks and the clattering of feet below tickertape parades?

It’s elementary, dear Watson: they’re being drowned out by the collective groan of every Earthbound fan that waited 11 years for the game to hit stores.

It’s easy for me to just start throwing rumors back and forth, but it was really best said by Tomato, head translator for the Mother 3 fan-translation project and all-around Earthbound guru:

There’s also a little bit more info we’ve caught wind of. Can’t reveal it here (and definitely wouldn’t want to…), but it basically equates to the fact that Smash Bros. Brawl is going to ABSOLUTELY, UNQUESTIONABLY spoil MOTHER 3 for EB fans who haven’t played the game yet :(

In response to this sudden realization, the translation punched up their production to hopefully haul ass and get the project to the finish line before Brawl hit the streets. However, as things went on, it became a little more obvious that finishing the project in that timeframe isn’t so feasible.

Don’t want to be spoiled? I don’t blame you, homies - I want to finish the game before I play Brawl too! Thankfully, Tomato and the crack team of hacking warriors came up with a solution. They’re going to continue with the translation as they have before, but they’ve produced a patch that’ll translate menus, items and some small battle junk. You’d still have to play through it with a walkthrough, but, there’s not much choice.

Of course, you could always just press your luck and hope that the full translation is finished before Brawl Day. But, I wouldn’t hold your breath - your face might stay that way.