Oh, Phalanx. Average shooter? Yes. But the greatest piece of box art in the history of video games. The best thing about the Phalanx box art is you can’t help but smile when you see it. Oh the things Phalanx Guy must have seen in his day! The stories he must have!

“Well there I was a-sittin in my rockin’ chaiah drinkin m’self a fine mint julep and playin’ the ol’ banjo when outta the corner of ma eye I seens it! One of those guldurned unidentified flyin’ thingamijigs! I guldurn near soiled m’self, I tells ye!”

He tells his grandson this story. “Uh, sure grandpa, whatever you say.” The grandson then goes off to eat some candy or whatever it is those young whippersnappers do these days, I don’t know. But I believe you, Phalanx Guy.

One day schoolchildren the world over will tell the tales of Phalanx Guy. How he singlehandedly stopped the invasion by rocking out to some Skip to my Lou on the banjo. His mighty chest heaving with the hint of moonshine on his breath. “Not my planet, consarnit!” he yells, destroying the myriad of cosmic death ships.

Your grandson may not believe you, Phalanx Guy, but I do.

Bonus: Japanese box — Explosions, triforces, and flying spacecocks, oh my!