Playing Nintendo v23 – Smash Brothers Syndrome

Ever since I was a kid, rainy days have always been my favorite time to kick back and play video games. There’s that special relaxation that comes from hearing the rain fall outside and knowing you’ve got nothing in particular to do. We’re now in the middle of the rainy season here in Korea, and I’m loving it. The rain comes and goes, fast-moving clouds hang low and cover the sky, the green mountains and rice fields are covered with an otherworldly mist, and the frogs croak all night long…it’s kinda like living in Electroplankton, if that makes any sense. My freelance lifestyle has afforded me a few random days off recently, and last Monday was one of those days. I opened the windows to let the cool breeze in, cut the lights, got comfortable and decided to fire up the Gamecube to take another shot at Super Smash Brothers Melee.

I set a goal for my play session: I would blast the sandbag over 1300 feet with Yoshi in the homerun contest to unlock the Yoshi’s Island stage. I’d done my research, and I’d memorized what to do. I tried, and I failed. I tried again, and I failed again. I tried again…and again…and again. I got caught under the platform, I hit the sandbag off the wrong side of the platform, I timed out, etc. I did everything but reach my goal. And I spent two hours doing it. Then I let out a sigh and gave up.

In all honesty, SSBM wasn’t the game I wanted to play – I felt like kicking back with a nice session of Wind Waker or Beyond Good & Evil (which I proceeded to jump into after giving up on Smash Brothers). Thing is, I have a kind of honor system when it comes to choosing which game to play, one that’s closely related to my buying habits.

I’m not a person who buys tons of games. Rather, I tend to spend my hard-earned cash (and hard-to-come-by time) on only those games that either really ‘speak’ to me or those that have such great reputations that I can’t *not* get them and still call myself a real gamer. My purchase of SSBM was more a case of the latter than the former.

It’s no secret that some of us 4cr rebels have a tendency to start games only to play a short while and then switch to something else, telling ourselves something like, “Oh, I’ll come back to it tomorrow…” But tomorrow doesn’t come for weeks, maybe months. Inherently, I’ve got this disease, and I’ve got it bad. Let’s call it ‘Rumatoid Lucketitis’.

Once my GC library really started to grow, I quickly diagnosed my condition, and just as quickly I decided I wouldn’t let it get the best of me. Then and there, I made it my resolve to tackle one game at a time, all the way through to the end, secrets and all. I’m proud to say that in the two years that have passed, I’ve done a pretty decent job of keeping the deal.

So since a couple months back, it’s been SSBM’s day in the sun at the Rumas house. First things first: I really, really suck at the game, and I can’t quite understand why. In general, I have fairly competent skills as a gamer, but not so here. I swear, the first time I picked up the controller to play, I felt utterly helpless. I know, I know – it’s ridiculous, especially for someone who prides himself on being a Nintendo fanatic. I mean, here we have the most successful Gamecube game ever, one that’s truly reached the masses and that anyone’s supposed to be able to play, but it renders me a vegetable.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy the game, because I *do*. It’s an absolute blast, actually, and I love its nostalgia and attention to detail. It’s just that there are some control issues that often make it a very frustrating experience for me. My biggest problem is the analog control. In 2D fighters, side-scrollers, and (often) racing games, I happen to be a much bigger fan of the d-pad than the analog stick. In SSBM, I find using the stick to be a maddeningly twitchy experience. Half the time I run when I’m trying to walk and I walk when I’m trying to run…then I fall to my death. It’s extremely frustrating, and while I don’t think there are a ton of folks out there who have the same problem, I’m sure there are a few. Further, having two jump options – up on the analog stick or the X button – makes it really confusing for me. Just like the run/walk scenario, I find myself jumping when I have no intention to do so, all because of a slight, unintentional nudge up on the stick.

So now for my point: I was pretty bummed out when Masahiro Sakurai, director of both the GC classic and the upcoming Super Smash Brothers Brawl, revealed that the Wii rendition would employ the same control method as its predecessor. Does this mean I’m predestined to wallow in frustration while my friends once again have the time of their lives beating each other up as their favorite Nintendo characters? I really, really hope not. For what it’s worth, I hope there’s somebody at NCL with enough clout to push for a new, simpler input method, even if it just ends up being an option. I’m imagining the Wii evolution of a button-masher, some kind of Wiimote hyper-shake-fest. Okay, I’m sure there’s a better name, but you get my point. And I’d hate to see that beautiful d-pad go to waste. It’s little secret that the GB Micro/DS lite/Wiimote d-pad is the undisputed ‘BEST EVAR’, and I, for one, would prefer its simple precision to the hairpin, carpal tunnel-inducing twitchiness of the analog stick, at least as it was implemented in SSBM.

You probably think I’m weird, or that I just suck at games, but trust me, you’d feel the same way if you were afflicted with Smash Brothers Syndrome. The harsh reality of it all is that one can’t very well be a true Nintendo fanboy in this day and age without bringing the *pwnage* in SSB. So come on, Nintendo, my honor’s on the line here – do me a favor and make SSBB a game I can actually play in front of others